Pondering the last 39 years......

Received a birthday card from my mother the other day and she wrote a quick little note on the inside and one thing stuck in my mind that she said, it was simply "Where has the last 39 years gone?"
I too wonder where all that time has gone, if you stop and think about it, that is almost 4 decades ... a meer 2,028 weeks ....14,244 days (give or take a leap year) .....341,856 hrs ......and a whopping 20,511,360 minutes. Kind of puts a new perspective on when you say you'll get to something next week or maybe tomorrow or in a few minutes. Time is ever continuing, we spend our childhood waiting for summer vacations and Christmas or that next birthday, seems like as children they took forever. But now as an adult, they arrive way to fast. I look back and think about all those little moments that I took for granted and now wish that I could have lingered there just a bit longer. I will never get a chance to hug my daddy or tell him how much I love him again, well at least not here on earth. I will never get to talk to my grandma on the phone again and hear her voice, the one that praised me every step of the way in my life.
You often wonder along this journey that if you might have made different choices, would you have ended up in a similar place in your life that you are now? I don't believe that things happen by chance, but that God put us where we needed to be at any given time. We have choices to make, some good and some not so good, but hopefully we have learned from our mistakes. I can say over my last 39 years that I have made some poor choices along the way, but I am happy with where I am now. I have a wonderful family, a husband that dearly loves me, four uniquely wonderful children, who all have something special about them, a job that I love doing that has blessed me with more "moments" in others lives then I can ever count and a wonderful God and savior, that with Him I have nothing to fear.
I can only hope that if I am blessed with another 39 years that I can look back over my life and say it was good!

Shoes of Grief

I am wearing a pair of shoes.

They are ugly shoes.

Uncomfortable Shoes.

I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.

Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.

They are looks of sympathy.

I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.

They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.

There are many pairs in the world.

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.

Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think of how much they hurt.

They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.

Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger women.

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author Unknown

Would have been 4 yrs old now!

Today I reflect back and wonder how different today might have been had the precious little baby I was carrying would have been born and what he/ she would have looked like on his/her 4th birthday. Unfortunately that little life was not meant to be here on earth. My precious baby left us on Oct 4th 2004, but today would have been the expected due date...May 20th. It's one of those days that I anticipate every year with a sadness. Instead of having a birthday to celebrate, I have a day to reflect. This time 4 yrs ago me and my husband planted a beautiful maple tree outside of our bedroom window, each year I have watched it grow, I have noticed a robin or two use it to build a nest and lay eggs, I have watched the beautiful flame red and salmon colored leaves in the autumn fall to the ground...that tree may not represent much to the common passer by in the neighborhood, but to me, it means a lot. I know one day I will be able to see and hold that little baby in Heaven, but for now, I have a tree to nuture and watch grow.

God did bless me with two more beautiful, vibrant and healthy children and for that I am thankful. But for now I just want to say Happy Birthday my Angel!

Try Me!

It's a known fact that there are some sermons from church that really stick with you. Well this past Sunday was one of those. Pastor Mark preached out of Malachi 3:10, “Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house, and try Me on this,” says the Lord of hosts, “If I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you such blessing that there will not be enough room to receive it.” This really spoke to me on Sunday. I know in the past I have not always tithed accordingly, but I at the beginning of the year I challenged myself to do so. It is always amazing to see the blessings God sends your way when you do what is asked of you. I am one of those people who feel like they HAVE TO have a safety net of a certain amount set aside just in case. I have survived through some difficult financial times as a single mom in the past, it's amazing to see where I have come from in the last 10 years and to now be in this place due to God's grace. When you put all your trust in the Lord, He will always provide. Just this past week I took a leap of faith and paid off my last credit card in full....do you know how amazing that felt? The only outstanding balances I have are my home and my vehicle. God is good and has continued to bless me financially when I least expect it.

What an amazing God we serve!

The newest addition to our family.....wrinkles!

We have added a new addition to our family, his name is Sullivan "Sully". He is super cute and very playful. The kids really enjoy him and I think even our old dog Donut, is excited to have a friend to play with too! We have had him for about 4 wks now and he is growing fast. I'll have to add some new pics later as he grows into our family.

Big Bro and Lil Sis

It amazes me that so many people think my youngest two are twins, would you believe they are two years and three days apart? Well they are. We thought we were done when we had Noah, but seriously thinking about it knowing the older two (who are 16 and 10) would be gone and out of the house before we know it, and leaving him all alone. So we decided to try once more and were blessed with our beautiful daughter Sara. They are so much fun to watch together, she tries her hardest to keep up with him. Soon she will be bigger then him. They are like Mutt and Jeff, ketchup and mustard, always together. I hope it remains that way through all the years to come!

~This time one year ago~

As the title would suggest, I am reflecting back to December 3rd 2007. This was the day we would welcome our 'impatient' daughter into the world at 5:59 am via c-section. Although that day did not go as planned, we still ended up with the most incredibly beautiful daughter. Since that day we have endured sleepless nights too numerous to count, laundry by the basketful's, lots of dirty diapers, toys scattered about, teething, bottles and lost pacifiers and many days spent in our PJ's. But besides all that we have also had lots of cuddling, sweet slobbery baby kisses, giggles, grins and smiles that will melt your heart, little fingers that grasp yours and won't let go and a heart so full of love that it can not contain it.

I am amazed at how much she has grown over the last year from 7# 6oz to 22# 10oz and from 19 1/4 inches to 29 inches. She is now walking however she still prefers crawling as her primary means of transportation. I can only wonder and anticipate what the next year will have in store for us. I'm sure she will be even more busier and talking up a storm and giving her brothers a run for their money.

Here are some pics of Sara celebrating her birthday at Pawpaw's and Mawmaw's house in AL. Sara and her cousin "J" got to celebrate their first birthday together, by the time they both had their fill of the cake they were covered in icing and required a much needed bath.

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY SARA!